I’m looking at the glowing screen of my laptop, the backlight gleaming in stark contrast to the dark of the room. It’s late. It’s been a long day and with each stroke of the clock marking another hour past, I couldn’t tell if it had been a so-called short hour or a long one, for it felt like both. Each hour a whisper of time and yet holding out in a lasting encore past what we thought was a finish.
A flicker dances bedside from the lavender candle sweetly scenting the room and through a thin veil of tears I type. Words are beginning to filter through a weaved blanket of mixed emotions that fill the space between what-I-feel and what-I-think. There’s not a straight connection between the two it seems, just that mess of a blanket lying in a heap, and though I start to try and unfold it, to straighten in all out… it’s just not ready to give.
What is this? Hormones? Exhaustion? I’m not quite sure… but one thing I want to do at this very moment is throw that tapestry of tight-knit emotions to the side and get up and walk in the fresh air of the night. I want to leave the deep thoughts, the tears, the introspection and the need for planning behind, if even for a moment and move with abandon to the rhythm of that dancing candle light.
And so be it. I’ll smile as I watch this belly bump move to the beautiful bouncing of my growing little bunny. I’ll close my eyes and exhale the worry or restlessness that wants to keep me awake and inhale the peace that I know is there for the taking. With every whisper of the hour hand I’ll be thankful for the good parts, because they so outweigh the hard parts. I’m letting go, slipping into a good, cozy layer of trust as rest takes over.
Good night, sweet friends. Sleep well. The bunny and I certainly will also, blanket or not.
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