I’ll admit it, I’m an Instagram lover and user. But I have to tell you a secret… my life is a lie. My Instagram life that is.
Yes, the photos are all mine, the kids, the home, the family, the life… But Instagram, with all the angles and cropping and filters, just isn’t real. It’s like those mornings at home where I get up and slide into workout clothes, hair tossed haphazardly in a ponytail, makeupless and water bottle in hand… knowing full well I’m not headed to the gym and most likely won’t even fit in an at-home workout. At least I look like I could have gone or I will be going, and that makes me feel better about running errands in public without actually getting “fixed up” for the day. Oh wait, you’ve never done that? I guess it’s just me then.
I like finding beauty in everyday things and preserving as many of the sweetly special moments I can. I have fun playing with those angles and different ways to crop, and filters? Pic-tap-go with brightside and crispity is my jam! I like taking a simple, regular moment and making something beautiful from it. But do you want to know the truth? For every “leg shot” there are hundred more of the same, some blurry, some weird and unflattering, some with feet cut off… All that didn’t make the cut, because they weren’t the beauty I wanted to see in that moment.
For every selfie, even in the middle of a street, there are at least twenty that I delete when choosing the one I want to keep.
For every shot of my littles, I snap away on my iPhone camera and cull through the mass of blurry photos to find the one that speaks to me.
For each photo of my home, there’s sure to be a mess just out of view… or at least in another room.
And in scrolling through my Instagram feed of other amazing “grammers” that I follow, I know I m not the only one.
I can be settled and content, truly happy for the happiness and beautiful moments of others I see on Instagram and in real life, because I’ve learned to be content in my own, my own beautifully ordinary moments. I used to think that contentment was a dirty word, one that lacked drive and passion. I viewed contentment and passion, contentment and purpose, as opposites. And since I’m a passionate person, certainly I couldn’t be content, right? Because the two just don’t mix. Contentment isn’t sexy. Or so I thought.
Just being happy where you are in life? Is that even real?
I remember vividly, a moment just a month after that fateful early delivery on the bathroom floor… my last miscarriage, when I was scrolling through the images on social media and came across a friend, beautifully pregnant and enjoying the rounded curve of that baby bump, about as far along as I would have been. “I’m not supposed to be here, I’m supposed to be there! I don’t want to start over! I should be welcoming our baby soon!” I cried the words through fits of tears and resentment. Resentment for who I was at the moment. Resentment for where someone else was at the moment. I was tangled in the web of comparison and discontentment. There, I realized that being content didn’t mean that I wouldn’t move on or start the next chapter… it meant that I didn’t have to find my value in how my life stacked up against others’ lives.
Discontentment is a stealer. It will steal from your satisfaction in life, and every day spent in discontentment and comparison is a day lost in realizing and experiencing the value in what you do have.
Here’s the thing, contentment doesn’t mean that we stay where we are, it doesn’t mean that we get lazy and vacation from life and purpose, forgetting to move forward. But what it does mean is that no matter where we are in our journey, in the good and the bad, in the painful places and the mountain tops, we can be settled, we can learn and grow and stretch through it.
So my question to you today is this… Has comparison replaced your purpose? You don’t have to find your value in how you measure up against others. Your life isn’t measured in how many “likes” you get or how many followers you have. You don’t have to strive to be better than someone else. So many people out there need you, the real YOU, where you are in life right now. They need the you that you were created to be. They need your talents, your heart, your voice, your fullest potential… not a life robbed of potential by comparison.
The next time you find your finger habitually swiping away at your phone screen to scroll through Instagram, remember that what you’re seeing are curated moments of someone’s life. Let yourself enjoy them, be inspired by them, but don’t let them devalue or distract you from the beauty in your own.
Today, I want to remind you of this. YOU are enough. Be you, in real life and it will pour out into every area of your life, including social media. Comparison isn’t my purpose, and it isn’t yours either.
xo
If you happen to be on Instagram as well, come find me… and no comparison or judging right?! The photos in the post were originally seen on my own Instagram feed.
Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom says
What a beautiful post and such a lovely reminder Tabitha.
Comparison is indeed a thief of joy.
I’m so sorry you went through a miscarriage. Having gone through two myself, I could identify with the feelings you had when you saw pictures of a pregnant friend.
I often wonder what image I present on social media… I’m far from perfect but I’m also a very positive and optimistic person so I’m not one to air or showcase my dirty laundry (literally and metaphorically).
Thanks for this thought-provoking post.
Wishing you a lovely weekend.
xoxo
Tabitha Blue says
Jennifer!!! I think that they are so much more common than we think, and it’s so good to be there for each other as women. I’ve had two as well. I’m so sorry for your losses!
And I totally agree, I don’t want to showcase, or even preserve in time, the “dirty laundry”, I want to preserve and remember the good! I just think that sometimes we compare our own dirty laundry because that’s what we can see, with someone else’s special moments… when we all have a good dose of both!
xoxoxo to you too friend!
Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom says
I loved this post so much and I’m delighted you shared it at the #SHINEbloghop.
I’m so glad we’ve “met” each other. I’m certain we’ll find more in common too.
xoxo
Tabitha Blue says
Thank you so much Jennifer!!! So happy that we “met” and I’m sure will in real life one day!! 🙂 To more days blogging together, cheers!
xo
Ailee | Snapshots & My Thoughts says
What a raw and honest post. I love it. So well written and so TRUE. Instagram certainly is not real and it’s so important to remember that!!
Tabitha Blue says
Thank you so much!!! Yes, it’s invaluable to remember that. xoxo
Kristy says
I’m clapping from my bed! 🙂 Bravo, my dear! This is such a great read with such important truths. I’ve written about this very thing before, and it’s so liberating to know that Instagram is only smidgen of the big picture. Contentment with self is so important. I’ve learned that over time, and it’s a beautiful thing. 🙂 I’ve been able to do more things and grow even further because I’ve been content with where I’m at. High five for recognizing that and sharing your wisdom! And I totally love your coffee shots on Insta. They’re you’re signature pose, I think. I always mean to ask you how you do it. Lol.
Tabitha Blue says
Hahaha, this just made me smile something big!!!! I love having you in my life and can’t wait to meet for real someday 😉 I think that it’s something we all know deep down… it’s just easy to forget and want what we don’t have when we’re not content where we are!
Also, thank you!! I always just reach one arm up as high as I can and snap away. LOL
Tawnya says
Yes! Everything about this post. Honestly I’m still struggling with those raw feelings of loss that you experienced… it’s SO hard to get past them, I keep seeing pregnancy announcements and growing bellies and can’t help but feel as though that’s where I should be. It’s hard, but I know it’s wrong to feel resentment and work hard to see the beauty in my current stage of life.
Your Instagram feed is one of my favourites, I’m drawn to those bright crisp images, with lots of colour! 🙂 I know your life isn’t Instagram perfect, but I love that you see the beautiful parts of it and share them, there is nothing wrong with that! xo
Tabitha Blue says
Awe, Tawnya, I feel you so much right now!! My heart hurts for you! You WILL get past those feelings, I promise. Of course, there will always be a part of you that is changed… and I have to say a part of me really opened up and grew through those experiences.
I’ve been finding myself even in the last couple of days, taking in a deep breath and literally smiling, just soaking in and enjoying the moments that I can. I want to be home right now instead of where I am… but we can find joy in any place, and I know you can too!!!
xoxoxo
Tiffany | A Touch of Grace says
I feel like “you are enough” is the theme of this last week and a half. We are all having these feelings of not being enough in our lives because of what we see on Instagram, blogs, Facebook pages, etc. I love your honesty in this post Tabitha.
I do still love your curated IG photos too. 🙂
Tabitha Blue says
You’re so right! It really has been resonating though so many spaces and places lately. That’s good!! That means we are all learning and growing in it… and I love that we’re all in it together 😉
Havok says
I needed this today, so thank you for that.
I love Instagram, it’s the easiest way I know of finding people with similar interests. However, it always seems like 90% of those people are doing it (whatever it may be!) better than I am.
I struggle with this regularly, so much so that I’ve pushed it out of my day, and I miss seeing all the fantastic things…but don’t miss that left-out-of-the-club feeling.
Maybe I’m just trying to join the wrong club. *Shrug*
Either way, thank you for this.
Tabitha Blue says
Oh I hear you loud and clear!!! There are definitely people that inspire me, even though they’re doing amazing things, I never feel “less than” because of them. And then there are some that I tend to compare myself too more. It’s something we all face…
You can be part of my club!! Let’s inspire and lift each other up!! And on those days where you feel particularly less than the amazing person you are, stay away from social media, but find something about yourself and your life to appreciate! We can do it together 😉
Jessica Dimas says
Love this post SO much, Tabitha. Especially coming from someone who takes GORGEOUS photos, it’s nice that you let it be known that there’s likely a mess right outside from the angle, or that you took several shots to get the “right” one. I love your reminder that comparison really is the thief of all joy and it’s something we need to remain conscious of in this age of social media. I love beautiful, inspiring photos, but I love even more when the person behind them admits that they are art and not always the best representation of real life. AWESOME POST!!!
Meghan says
This is exactly why I chose “content” as my word for 2015! Often we mistake being content as being lazy but it doesn’t mean that at all! Your post said that so perfectly!
Tabitha Blue says
Oh I love that you chose it as your word for the year!! Seems to be speaking to us both 😉
Lauren says
I love this post.. and I can totally relate! I am not as creative as you when it comes to instagram pics, but I hope to be one day! But even with the random stuff I post now.. I still find myself taking a bunch of pics to get the right shot. Too funny!
Alycia//Crazily Normal says
i love this. i know we all do it and its part of what instagram is. i love that you are being real about it too! i totally have the 20 pics of the same thing, just slightly different until i find the one that is just right! great post, my friend!!
Tabitha Blue says
Thank you so much friend!!! Yes, we are all in it together! 🙂
Rorybore says
Beautifully articulated and such an important message. I make it a point to not really check my stats on my bog, or get concerned over following numbers. It’s not the reason why I write. It’s not inspiring in a real, tangible way. The comments left are — because that is a type of connection.
I started writing to rediscover ME, to be a Whole me; not for attention. and to journal the memories of our little family. numbers are a great side bonus; but I never forget the original purpose.
I find the daily practice of mindfulness really helps me stay focused on the important things.
Adoring Family says
I never post on IG because my pix never look as pretty as all the ones I see 🙂 I am inspired to take more and post more. I appreciate this!
Janmary says
so true – don’t let comparison rob the joy out of enjoying capturing the beauty of everyday life (even if it takes 20 angles and a bit of tweaking in Snapseed)
Sometimes I feel guilty sharing a raindrop on a petal in our back garden, or my son’s bright ginger hair as we walk to school, when I know others are going through really tough times. But I’m not saying my life is instagram/pinterest perfect, I’m just finding and recording those everyday-life moments. It’s ok to celebrate them while still being aware of others needs.
You got me thinking early on a Saturday morning!
Thanks
Andrea B. says
Beautiful post. I think comparison is often a thief. For sure.
Your pictures here are beautiful. I’m glad you fessed up. 😉 I’m sure it made someone’s morning/day/moment to hear you say that you’re filtering what you share because it reminds them that they’re okay, too!
Tabitha Blue says
Thank you so much for your sweet and kind words Andrea!! 🙂
Andrea says
Perfect! I am in this same place right now. Trying to learn how to be content. Growing up content was a dirty word. As an adult I’ve found myself constantly trying to achieve the next level without enjoying the moments in between. Now I am working on being content right where I am.
Tabitha Blue says
Awe, wow! Yes, I’ve thought of it that way before… like I couldn’t pursue dreams if I were content. But we can do both! 🙂
Alyson M says
I love this so much. I’ve gotten to the point that often I just search feeds on IG that I do want to look at because I like the real ones. The ones that show the messy parts of life too. Thanks for sharing this.
Tabitha Blue says
I hear you Alyson! I think it’s so good to realize that we are all real… sometimes we just don’t all want to share the “bad” moments. Although I’ve done that too at times! haha.
xo
Sarah Halstead says
YES! This is soooo true. Thank you for sharing this!
Sarah @ 2paws Designs says
Oh, yes, totally guilty. But also I intentionally try to share some “not to perfect” photos on my blog particularly of my home improvement projects. I try to keep them real. Which includes glimpses of every day messes because I’d rather spend the time working on projects or snuggling my baby than getting everything perfect. And, yes, Pic-Tap-Go – love it.
Tabitha Blue says
Love that Sarah!! I think it’s so good that we share the good, and a little of the real too. 🙂
Parent Club says
I read this on a day where I was totally making comparisons and questioning my purpose. THANK YOU. Honestly, I never considered IG to be curated photos – but you have not only taught me – you lifted a big weight in trying to compare my stuff to others. It’s a good reminder to find your own purposes…and own that.
Brandyn says
Such a beautiful post! It’s very easy to fall into the trap of comparing your life to others…especially with all the beautiful images on social media! It’s hard to remember that they are also just showing their best face to the world. We can all use a reminder like this from time to time!
Thank you for sharing with us at #MommyMeetupMondays!
Georgina Andersen says
Hi,
I really enjoyed your post and it is something which I can really resonate with. I think it is hard to not compare yourself to every image you see on Instagram and Pinterest as I think that is just human nature, however reading posts such yours is a great way to have that reality check and bump back down to earth, which we often need. I seem to be constantly looking through the lens trying to get that perfect photo rather than enjoying my gorgeous boys being perfect right in front of me.
Thanks for sharing
Georgina
#MommyMeetupMondays
Jules Ruud says
I am definitely guilty of this. I have intentionally not posted because I didn’t think it was pretty enough. I even delete pictures of myself off of other people’s phones because I hate how I look but at the end of the day, it’s how I look and I need to embrace that. Thank you for this reminder. I’m going to take you up on your challenge of acceptance. #MommyMeetUpMondays
Tabitha Blue says
Oh girl, you and me both!! Let’s walk it out together 🙂
Elle C. Mayberry says
Although it’s unnatural for us to photograph and display our “non-Instagramesque” moments, it’s also easy to forget that everyone else only shows the shiny, happy stuff.
I predict a balancing trend of “real photo sharing” in the not-so-distant future — which will be hilarious and refreshing and full of TMI. Until then, we need reminders like yours.